From Ow to Aw

I was carrying my bowl of soup pasta (Jayden's lunch leftovers) to the dining table when I knocked my left foot on one of chair legs.

'Oww shh-' I bit my tongue before I cursed out loud, knowing that both children were within earshot. Hannah stared at me from her high chair for a while, and went back to her biscuit treats. Jayden, however, looked up from the iPad and stared at me questioningly. I was still grimacing from the pain and rubbing my foot.

He came over. 'Mommy, whyy?'

'I hurt my foot just now. Painful.' I winced for further effect.

He looked at my foot, then back at me. Then he started stroking my arm gently, a little smile on his face. 'It's OK, mommy.' he patted my back.

I had to smile. After reassuring him that I was all right, he went back to his iPad. And I'm just glad that despite his love for the iPad, he took the time to come over and comfort me when he saw that I was in pain.

My son loves me. *tears*

Family Fun Fest

Oyako Don't

Marriage is hard. I'm not talking about the horrible stuff, like hurtful lies, affairs, etc. Just the daily stuff can be hard.

Like what to make for dinner. Who should get to eat what they like? That sounds weird huh. For instance, I made oyako don some nights before. Crispy fried chicken fillets on top of a bed of scrambled eggs and onions, with the yummy dashi flavors seeping through the rice underneath.

Does that not sound amazing?? Does that not sound appetizing?!

According to the hubz, not so much. He thought the chicken was really nice, but he didn't like the rice because it was all soggy. In the end, he ate all the fried chicken, and cautiously asked me if it was OK not to finish the egg and rice. I took a deep breath and stared into my steaming bowl of eggy rice. So fragrant, so yummy... how could he?!

I had two choices. I could react badly to his honest feedback and blow up, make snide remarks about how I should've just ordered pizza instead of slaving away in the kitchen trying to whip up a restaurant-worthy meal for my family. And I really did, with a small touch of expectant hope that Andrea will be blown away by the food.

Or I could take this moment to finally realize something really crucial in our relationship - the man does not like tainted rice. Simple as that. My mind flashed back to all the times we ate together, and suddenly it was all too clear. How did I not pick that up after so many years with him? He always eats his rice separate from the other dishes. Sure, he will take some gravy to accompany the rice, but he always stopped me when I tried to scoop in more sauce onto his bowl of rice. And he never ordered oyako don. It was always bento sets when we visit Japanese restaurants. Clean, segregated dishes.

Even though I felt like playing the victim, I brushed it off and said it was fine, because really, if he is guilty for not appreciating the wife's efforts, I am just as guilty for not being attentive to his preferences. I used to be better at that, before the kids.

Time for some self-reflection.

Prep Talk

The car darkens as we went down the ramp to the parking lot at the nearby shopping mall, where we get our weekly groceries.

Suddenly, we heard this from the back seat.

"Can you run? No."

"Can you shout? No."

"Can you whine? No."

"Can you buy toys? No."

Jayden was giving himself a prep talk. Andrea and I looked at each other and smiled.

"That's right, Jayden. Be a good boy today, ya."

"Uh huh. See toys only. No buy."

"Very good, Jayden! You remembered the rules."

Even though I was 98 percent sure that he will forget (or he won't be able to control himself) one hour into our shopping trip, it was nice to know that all our nagging and constant repeating of rules have somehow drummed its way into his young brain. Let us hope it stays there.

Like A Water Fountain

"Mommy!! I finisssshh!" Jayden yelled from the bathroom. He usually gives us a big announcement when he is done at his plastic throne.

"OK, coming!"

I found him waiting patiently, his hands folded on his bare lap.

"It was soooo bigger (sic), and taaaalll like a water fountain."

I laughed. "Like a waterfall you mean?"

"Ya."

"Good job, Jayden. That is a huge one." I observed seriously.

He raised his hand up for a high five. I returned it gamely.

"OK, now let's go wash you buttock." He dutifully went to the showers and squatted down.

Ahh, the joys of motherhood.

By The Swing

It had been a rough day. Jayden had been acting up since he came home from school, which made me uh, discipline him quite a few times. Now it is evening. We have just finished dinner, and somehow he still wanted to follow me as I took out the trash to the dumpster in front of our condo.

"Mommy! Wait for mee," He shouted as he scrambled to get his Thomas sandals on. I waited patiently for him, telling myself that I have exhausted my crazy-mom energy for today, and I shall henceforth be kind and patient and gracious to him.

"Oh. It's night time!" He declared confidently. I smiled to myself.

"Yes, Jayden. It's night time."

On our way back to our home, we passed by the outdoor playground. It was a particularly warm night, and I would very much prefer to march back home and enjoy the AC, but for some reason I asked him if he wanted to go to the playground.

"Ya!" Of course. I followed behind him as he dashed towards the seesaws. It was dark, the playground only lit by a few lamps surrounding it, but he was unfazed. He made his way around the maze and stairs as I observed him in silence. He has grown so much, so quickly.

"I want to sit on the swinnggg." He was having trouble getting on it, so I held the seat still as he scooted his way in. He started pushing himself back and forth gently. I sat on the ground in front of him.

"Jayden."

"Hmm?"

"Are you happy?"

"Uh huh."

"Mommy loves you, you know? Even if Mommy shouts at you."

He nodded.

"Do you love Mommy?"

"Ya."

"Mommy will always love you. Whether you are a good boy or a naughty boy, Mommy will always love you."

He nodded again, his feet still grazing the ground as he moved back and forth. His face turned solemn.

"How are you feeling, Jayden?"

"Mommy..." He sounded troubled. Maybe he had something important to tell me. I leaned in closer and held his hand.

"Ya?"

"I want to ng ng..."

*facepalm*

"But, but... I want to play the swing also..." He touched his stomach. "But ng ng want to come out already..."

I bit my lip to stop myself from laughing. "It's OK, Jayden. Let's go ng ng first. We can come back to the swing later." I stood up and held out my hand to him. He got up, we walked hand in hand back to our home, slightly sweaty, slightly tired from the day, but so much more happier than I have felt just a few hours earlier.

Hannah

The way she waves her arms clumsily at me whenever I approach her. The way she buries her chubby face into my sleeve when she gets a little sleepy. The way she eagerly reaches out for her pink Minnie Mouse blanket whenever she spots it. The way she sits comfortably on the crook of my arm, her thighs clasped tightly around my torso. Her squishy arms and legs. The sound of her baby voice. The smell of her baby hair.

I am probably very much biased, but I can't get over how CUTE she is. My baby girl. My Hannah.

While I used to gush over Jayden when he was chubby, helpless little babe, I realized now that I was always hoping that he would grow up quicker, so that I could stop the endless breastfeeding sessions (that could last for over an hour), so that he could walk and eat and go potty by himself, etc.

Now all that has come true, but then new challenges with have surfaced. Obviously. It happened gradually, from the time he turned 2.5 years old, and not at four years old, he is one inexhaustible mass of energy and curiosity. The never-ending questions and requests, the sudden outbursts and tantrums, the constant haggling and negotiating.

Sometimes, in the midst of the craziness that I would henceforth call the Jay-storm, Hannah is the only peace and quiet presence I could hold onto. And I have learned to appreciate it so much more. Having to carry her around means she won't run away from me whenever she sees something she fancies. Breastfeeding her means I get to lay or sit down with her in my arms, lulling each other to a state of comfort and warmth, however brief it might be at times.

She will turn one in a month. This time around, I wish my baby could stay just the way she is right now - sweet, cuddly and dependent on me - at least for a while longer.