First it was my gradual switch from Fly FM to Mix FM. Their morning talk shows about babies and in-law struggles were a lot more interesting to me, as opposed to brainstorming ways to make the opposite sex notice you or something.
More importantly, I feel at home with all the familiar music from the 90s. Backstreet Boys, Hoobastank, Britney Spears, The Corrs... Yes, my favourite music has officially migrated to Mix FM. I even caught myself thinking, seriously why don't they have music like this anymore. Eeps.
But it's true! Nicki Minaj irks me (Anaconda? Really?), and I can never really make out what Ariana Grande is singing. There are some nice songs lately too, but nothing that made me wanna download them immediately and play it everywhere I go. Which I used to do almost every two weeks. Winamp was my best friend, my stereo my emo buddy.
Maybe my music quota is full. At the ripe old age of 30 (29 years and 10 months, to be exact =P).
Lately I've been digging up my old stacks of CDs from my car compartment. Michelle Branch, Avril Lavigne, Relient K, Kutless, Hillsongs... ahh so soothing. Heh. Now I understand why my dad loves Lite FM, and always search for classic oldies in dusty old music shops. Music has a way of taking you back to a certain place and time, reliving all the good stuff without having to go through the not-so-memorable ones again.
Like YUI songs remind me of being in my sister's old black Honda in East Lansing, singing Japanese gibberish with her in high-pitched voices coz YUI makes you do that.
Or Hillsong United, reminds me of how I went to a Hillsongs concert alone once in Toronto, in the midst of crowds of people who obviously did not go to concerts alone...
Hm. Most of the emo music memories actually came from my college years, probably my most emotionally volatile days. Nowadays my music memories consist of Jayden's baby monitor lullabies and YouTube downloads of his favorite nursery rhymes.
Much happier memories, I must say. :DD
Sunday, September 28, 2014
Sunday, September 21, 2014
For the first time in almost two years...
1. I fell asleep without a baby/toddler gnawing on my boob.
2. My sleep was not punctuated with sleepy but persistent pleas for nen-nen.
3. The sleep-deprived hubby snapped at me for being honest about not sleeping well. "I sacrificed my sleep for you, the least you could do is tell me it was worth it." How the tables have turned, heh.
4. The hubby physically understands why I get so irritable when Jayden refuses to sleep/wakes up constantly throughout the night.
On a serious note, I could not have started this (sort-of) sleep training without the hubby's cooperation. It is so true - both parents need to be in agreement when it comes to how they want to raise/discipline/love the child.
Being parents have changed us forever, and no doubt there has been some highs and some lows. But I'm always grateful that the hubby is such a hands-on dad, who takes part in our child's life in such a present manner. Although that could sometimes mean more iPad/cartoon time for Jayden than I'd have liked, the dad has taught him so many things without my knowledge. He taught him how to throw his own diapers, how to kick his mini football, how to address his uh, ku-ku bird...
Seeing the hubby's satisfied smile whenever our son displays his understanding/obedience just makes my heart swell with pride and joy.
"Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from Him." Psalm 127:3
2. My sleep was not punctuated with sleepy but persistent pleas for nen-nen.
3. The sleep-deprived hubby snapped at me for being honest about not sleeping well. "I sacrificed my sleep for you, the least you could do is tell me it was worth it." How the tables have turned, heh.
4. The hubby physically understands why I get so irritable when Jayden refuses to sleep/wakes up constantly throughout the night.
On a serious note, I could not have started this (sort-of) sleep training without the hubby's cooperation. It is so true - both parents need to be in agreement when it comes to how they want to raise/discipline/love the child.
Being parents have changed us forever, and no doubt there has been some highs and some lows. But I'm always grateful that the hubby is such a hands-on dad, who takes part in our child's life in such a present manner. Although that could sometimes mean more iPad/cartoon time for Jayden than I'd have liked, the dad has taught him so many things without my knowledge. He taught him how to throw his own diapers, how to kick his mini football, how to address his uh, ku-ku bird...
Seeing the hubby's satisfied smile whenever our son displays his understanding/obedience just makes my heart swell with pride and joy.
"Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from Him." Psalm 127:3
My heart feels so heavy.
It's already 9.30PM, and Jayden is rubbing his eyes profusely. Surprisingly he keeps silent, hugging me gently like a koala bear on a tree trunk, his head lying on my chest. I imagine him listening to my heartbeat.
He stays still for a long while as Andrea drives on, the warm yellow street lights flickering past us. Just when I thought he had fallen asleep, he sits upright and looks squarely into my eyes, his chubby fingers caressing my stomach almost absent-mindedly. Then he lays his body back down against me. I hug him closer and kiss the top of his head.
As Andrea reaches his mother's house, I whisper to Jayden, "Tonight you sleep with Papa, OK. Mommy love you very much." Except for the tightening of his grip on my waist, Jayden doesn't move. The entire car ride has been unusually peaceful, without his fiddling around the dashboard and climbing all over the front seats (we left the car seat at home). The most unusual thing is that, he hasn't asked for nen-nen despite being so tired and so close to my chest.
I tell myself that I'm reading too much into his actions, that I'm romanticizing the whole thing, and that the pregnancy hormones are to blame for the tears swelling up my eyes and the tightness across my chest.
Still, the tears flowed as I pulled out of the house, leaving Jayden with his father and beloved grandma for the night. It is better for everyone this way, I chant to myself, willing for it to be so.
He stays still for a long while as Andrea drives on, the warm yellow street lights flickering past us. Just when I thought he had fallen asleep, he sits upright and looks squarely into my eyes, his chubby fingers caressing my stomach almost absent-mindedly. Then he lays his body back down against me. I hug him closer and kiss the top of his head.
As Andrea reaches his mother's house, I whisper to Jayden, "Tonight you sleep with Papa, OK. Mommy love you very much." Except for the tightening of his grip on my waist, Jayden doesn't move. The entire car ride has been unusually peaceful, without his fiddling around the dashboard and climbing all over the front seats (we left the car seat at home). The most unusual thing is that, he hasn't asked for nen-nen despite being so tired and so close to my chest.
I tell myself that I'm reading too much into his actions, that I'm romanticizing the whole thing, and that the pregnancy hormones are to blame for the tears swelling up my eyes and the tightness across my chest.
Still, the tears flowed as I pulled out of the house, leaving Jayden with his father and beloved grandma for the night. It is better for everyone this way, I chant to myself, willing for it to be so.
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
Starting The Day Right
I woke up today feeling like my head is a hollow husk, my eyes so dry they probably shrunk in size, with a toddler wriggling on all fours, ready to pounce. I pretended to fall back asleep.
WHAM! My nose shattered to a million pieces. Or at least that was how it felt. JC lifted up the wrecking ball a.k.a his head, revealing a big, cheerful grin. My resolve to yell at him disappeared somewhat as I realized he was trying to mimic me rubbing noses with him. Instead, I cupped his cheeks affectionately and pressed my lips onto his forehead.
Ahh. Another zombie day at work. Oh well, at least I can have breakfast with him before heading off to work. He was already up and running, pointing at the box of animal puzzles and grunting animatedly. "You want?" I teased him with a juggle of the puzzle box. "Wan ah!" I placed it on the floor and he got busy.
"Wanna eat breakfast? Mum mum?" "Mum mum!!" He dashed out of the room and headed for the fridge. "CHEESE!" he declares his choice of breakfast.
"How about some cornflakes today?" I shook the cornflakes carton box for effect. He closed the fridge door and nodded his head. "Wan!"
I sat him down on his seat and placed a bowl of cornflakes in front of him. He pointed at his cup of milk and said, "Put." I poured some milk onto his cereal, a little surprised that he remembered that cornflakes could be eaten with milk - he'd only had it once before.
We ate in comfortable silence, punctuated by his occasional 'niom niom niom' sounds as he messily fed himself with a spoon.
I finished up my bowl of cereal, confiscated his soggy cornflakes coz he was starting to play with it, and wiped him clean.
"OK, mommy's going to work now. Mommy will be back in eight hours, k? You be a good boy," I gave him a tight hug and a kiss. He walked me to the door. "Buh bye," he let go of my hand.
How he has grown - from the hysterically crying boy whenever I step out of the door to this calm, accepting child before me.
Being a mom can be such a stretch to my heartstrings.
WHAM! My nose shattered to a million pieces. Or at least that was how it felt. JC lifted up the wrecking ball a.k.a his head, revealing a big, cheerful grin. My resolve to yell at him disappeared somewhat as I realized he was trying to mimic me rubbing noses with him. Instead, I cupped his cheeks affectionately and pressed my lips onto his forehead.
Ahh. Another zombie day at work. Oh well, at least I can have breakfast with him before heading off to work. He was already up and running, pointing at the box of animal puzzles and grunting animatedly. "You want?" I teased him with a juggle of the puzzle box. "Wan ah!" I placed it on the floor and he got busy.
"Wanna eat breakfast? Mum mum?" "Mum mum!!" He dashed out of the room and headed for the fridge. "CHEESE!" he declares his choice of breakfast.
"How about some cornflakes today?" I shook the cornflakes carton box for effect. He closed the fridge door and nodded his head. "Wan!"
I sat him down on his seat and placed a bowl of cornflakes in front of him. He pointed at his cup of milk and said, "Put." I poured some milk onto his cereal, a little surprised that he remembered that cornflakes could be eaten with milk - he'd only had it once before.
We ate in comfortable silence, punctuated by his occasional 'niom niom niom' sounds as he messily fed himself with a spoon.
I finished up my bowl of cereal, confiscated his soggy cornflakes coz he was starting to play with it, and wiped him clean.
"OK, mommy's going to work now. Mommy will be back in eight hours, k? You be a good boy," I gave him a tight hug and a kiss. He walked me to the door. "Buh bye," he let go of my hand.
How he has grown - from the hysterically crying boy whenever I step out of the door to this calm, accepting child before me.
Being a mom can be such a stretch to my heartstrings.
Sunday, September 7, 2014
Waking Up
I could hear his rhythmic breathing, his mouth slightly ajar because of his blocked nose. His arms are up over his head as usual, his left leg resting comfortably over his baby bolster. I scoot over to his side quietly, until my face is barely five inches away from his smooth forehead. The way his long lashes rest on his round cheeks never fails to make me smile.
He smacks his tiny lips and turns away from me – I move away to give him some space. He is barely 90cm tall but he commands a lot of bed space, this one.
I lie down on my back, staring at the sunlight that flickers at the movement of the fan on top of us. It has been a challenging night; the sound of JC’s constant struggle to breathe through his blocked nose woke me up, and the only way he could fall back to sleep was by nursing, which made for a tiring and frustrating ordeal.
‘Uunnnn…’ JC has turned over completely and bowing down with his back arched up like a cat. With his back towards me, I could hear the beginning of a whimper. I announce my presence by tickling the soles of his feet. He turns around immediately, and his sleepy eyes crinkle up into two half moons.
‘Mah-mee’, he calls out purposefully as he rolls over to my side. Instinctively, I kiss him on the forehead, breathing in his baby scent. It sounds cliché, but waking up like this more than makes up for the troublesome sleep (of lack thereof) we had the previous night.
He smacks his tiny lips and turns away from me – I move away to give him some space. He is barely 90cm tall but he commands a lot of bed space, this one.
I lie down on my back, staring at the sunlight that flickers at the movement of the fan on top of us. It has been a challenging night; the sound of JC’s constant struggle to breathe through his blocked nose woke me up, and the only way he could fall back to sleep was by nursing, which made for a tiring and frustrating ordeal.
‘Uunnnn…’ JC has turned over completely and bowing down with his back arched up like a cat. With his back towards me, I could hear the beginning of a whimper. I announce my presence by tickling the soles of his feet. He turns around immediately, and his sleepy eyes crinkle up into two half moons.
‘Mah-mee’, he calls out purposefully as he rolls over to my side. Instinctively, I kiss him on the forehead, breathing in his baby scent. It sounds cliché, but waking up like this more than makes up for the troublesome sleep (of lack thereof) we had the previous night.
Monday, September 1, 2014
Say Cheese!
Jayden is not very camera-friendly. Which makes my role as an overexcited mom really difficult, coz everytime he does something adorable/hilarious/milestone-achieving, I'd whip out my camera phone, and he will stop in his tracks, and the moment is gone. *sigh*
This is why I have decided to just enjoy the moment without having to document everything, much to the dismay of my mom/sister/colleagues. Everytime I mention something he had done, the response stays the same, "Why never video? I wanna see!" -__-;;
There was one time, ONE precious time, where he acted differently. We were in the Polar Bear exhibition room in Sea World Gold Coast, and my mom, as usual, was shouting out instructions to my nephew to pose this way, and move a little to the right/left, to smile more, etc etc (she's quite the photo-taking dictator).
I could only assume that Jayden had watched this photo-taking ritual between my nephew Samuel and my mom enough times to realize what he should do when a camera was pointed at him. While I was discreetly trying to get an angle of him with the polar bear close behind, he caught my eye through the lens, stepped up towards me and smiled! A small shy smile at first, but he stayed in position at least. As I clicked away he started coming closer, until he was so close he grabbed my phone to examine my photo-taking skills.
So vain, this boy. XD
This is why I have decided to just enjoy the moment without having to document everything, much to the dismay of my mom/sister/colleagues. Everytime I mention something he had done, the response stays the same, "Why never video? I wanna see!" -__-;;
There was one time, ONE precious time, where he acted differently. We were in the Polar Bear exhibition room in Sea World Gold Coast, and my mom, as usual, was shouting out instructions to my nephew to pose this way, and move a little to the right/left, to smile more, etc etc (she's quite the photo-taking dictator).
I could only assume that Jayden had watched this photo-taking ritual between my nephew Samuel and my mom enough times to realize what he should do when a camera was pointed at him. While I was discreetly trying to get an angle of him with the polar bear close behind, he caught my eye through the lens, stepped up towards me and smiled! A small shy smile at first, but he stayed in position at least. As I clicked away he started coming closer, until he was so close he grabbed my phone to examine my photo-taking skills.
So vain, this boy. XD
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