Strive to Emphatize

"My trakkor... choo-choo train..." Jayden muttered in his car seat as he looked forlornly down on his hands.

"What happened? Teacher took your toys isit?" I figured because there was a notice that informed parents to bring a transportation toy for the children to keep in school for a month, as part of their thematic lessons.

"Yaaa..." He nodded his head. "My one..."

"I know. Teacher told mommy already. Everyone will keep their toys in school for one month. So you can all play and share together. Is that OK?"

"Noo... my one..."

"You wanna bring your tractor and train back home?"

"Ya..." He implored with his sad eyes.

"OK. Mommy will call Teacher later, and ask for you."

"Teacher take... my one..." His eyes were filling up with tears. I was stopped at a traffic light, so I reached over and patted his knee gently.

"It's OK, Jayden. I know you're sad. Teacher will give you back one OK. Everyone's toys are in school."

The tears were spilling down his cheeks now. He grabbed my hand and pleaded softly, "Go back. Go back school take..." This was not whining; I could see the distress in his eyes, his mind not yet comprehending the concept of leaving his toys for others.

"Aw Jayden. Don't worry. Mommy will call Ms Mary Anne later OK." I started driving again.

"Ms Esha."

"Oh it was Ms Esha who took the toys ya?"

"Yaa..." He replied.

He wouldn't get out of the car when we reached home, and insisted that we go back to school. So I decided to call the teacher and spoke with her while he listened. He seemed to calm down, knowing that I had made sure that the toys were still with his teacher, and will be returned to him soon.

It seemed like such a small thing, but it made me realize how important my role as a mother is. Jayden was troubled by something he couldn't quite verbalize yet, and it took patience and a listening ear to understand what he needed at the moment. I'm so glad that I didn't choose to brush his feelings off (because I know I will be loaded with mommy guilt after that 100 percent). I hope that I will always remember to observe and listen to my children with more patience, with a positive desire to understand and emphatize, and never undermine their feelings and thoughts.

It reminded me of the time I was scolded by my primary school teacher. She'd been unkind in her words (she called me a 'da fan shu', which literally translates into a big potato), and I was particularly troubled because I felt wronged. I let out all my frustrations the moment I climbed into my mother's car, telling her how unfair everything was. She listened, and reacted in the way that just made my day a whole lot better. "What! She called you a big potato! Well then she's a GIANT potato!" It was silly and exaggerated, but to an eight-year-old it felt so good to be understood, to have her feelings validated, and by the most important person in her life no less.

For my children, I want to be like that all the time.